When you procrastinate, a Monkey appears and starts hanging around.

It might be fun having him there at first, but after a while he starts getting on your nerve...

Especially if he's hungry or has another Monkey or two with him.

They start humping and sooner or later more Monkeys show up, and there you are in a chaotic jungle full of monkeys eating you out of house and home.

Welcome to the Monkey Massacre Blog, where you might find a thing or two that would help you start kicking some monkey ass!


Tell me what you think and click follow on the right panel (would appreciate the feedback)

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Shoot the monkey...kill the habbit

Here's a nice add for getting rid of one of your monkeys...check it out on Vimeo

http://vimeo.com/53604380


Friday, June 3, 2011

The Corporate Cry for Wolf

Aesop was an ancient Greek slave and story teller.


Although his existence remains uncertain, his fables are real and have been carried throughout the ages to be told and taught as part of a storytelling tradition that remains till this day.


His fable of a shepherd boy who cried wolf is an example of one of his famous stories.


It is used in kinder-gardens and schools all across the globe as a cautionary tale about telling the truth.


Ya, I don't think that worked well for a big chunk of humanity.
In fact, recent studies showed that telling this story increased the likelihood of children telling lies or altering the truth to their advantage and amusement...to become Aesop storytellers themselves.


Back to the land of grownups, and specifically the part where we have to work to earn money and be happy (a fable by itself), shouting wolf, or raising false alarms is a common thing.


We get requests all the time that are labeled urgent or marked with the 'Bang' exclamation mark !


You get a pile of work thrown at you and you are told it is needed urgently.


Now, that's ok at times and I'm sure a lot of us deal with those types of requests where we have to spend some extra time after working hours or take it back home, if you're that type of person.


But what happens when you're consistently bombarded with them? simple, you get pissed! and your work enthusiasm drops, not to mention the fact that when you get more urgent requests (whether they truly are or not) they all become the same.


Some of you might say: "Nah, you don't know how to prioritize! I don't get that because I know how to organize myself...just learn from me."


Yes I do agree that prioritizing is an important skill, but not as important as planning.


If you plan correctly, know exactly what is at hand, and allocate the appropriate resources available, you will avoid the headache of scrambling every one around you and screaming DEFCON 1 !


And prioritizing is something that we all do inherently, whether you notice it or not, and some are just better at it... but what happens when you work over a long period of time and everything is urgent?


I was discussing this with one of my friends who also works in the same field, he and many others get a kick out of having an agency or a consultancy slaving for them. 


"I get to tell them what I want, when I want, and they have to do it...that's what they are paid for!"
Some business owners say the same thing when referring to their employees. 


Yes, you do pay them to work for you but you don't own them. 


Plus, that shows how bad of a manager you are. 


Your people skills are just as important as any other skill, and you will loose good talents that just won't take your crap. 


Don't care? more slaves will replace them?
Sure you can do that if you can afford the time and money you'll loose in the process. Although, your reputation as an unprofessional asswhole will stick to you like gum on a new sneaker.


Stop sadistically managing people with a horsewhip (keep that for the bedroom ;p) and learn to appreciate people and their right to rest and disengage from work. 


Or give them the option to do the required 'unplanned' work and pay them or reward them for it.


They will appreciate it and their job satisfaction will increase.


It's either that, or someday when a real wolf comes along, you won't find any villagers running up the hill to help you.

Friday, April 1, 2011

BLAT

When you can't sleep...try to make the most out of it


had fun painting this


Hope it inspires you in anyway possible :p






Cheers

Sunday, March 20, 2011

SMELL NO EVIL!

Today was one of those days when I wish there was a sensory deprivation ON/OFF switch.


I was constantly bombarded with experiences that really affected my day. Or maybe it was the first one that really made me aware of the things I usually ignore.


I arrived to the shared office building early in the morning, with a positive "nice day" kind of feeling, a feeling that disappeared the second the elevator doors opened and I was slapped in the face with the unavoidable odor of the guy who came out. it felt like I was attacked by a radioactive invisible being that was strangling me.


When my brain function came back to remember that I can breathe again, I noticed that I made the stupid mistake of walking into the elevator and pressing the 2nd floor button where the office is (guess my brain's autopilot was on at that time). as I breathed in, my eyes started to tear, the invisible radioactive creature was left behind in the tight confinement of the elevator walls, a coffin that took too long to open again.


Although the trip was short, it seemed like a decade passed in the limbo I was stuck in.


The doors opened once more, and the receptionist was startled as he saw me jumping out of the elevator grasping for air, as if i was escaping from a falling elevator in the shaft or a demon that was haunting the place.
Yes he started laughing when he learned what I was running away from (funny how people are amused by others' painful experiences).


I was also laughing at the dilemma and I noticed that parts of my brain went through an emergency shut down...sadly the sensory receptors were still on and strangely augmented.


One of the guys at the office likes shaking hands every day, which is ok as long as you don't have "Sweaty Hands Syndrome"...and ya the feeling was multiplied by ten after the elevator incident and felt like the sweat was a tsunami of body fluids (ekh).


The went on, and a lunch break was something I was looking forward to for a change of my mental unbalance.


The restaurant bathroom was also a smell electrifying experience, even the soap left me with a regretful feeling of ickyness. What's wrong with regular soap? does it have to have a strong odor to clean more?!


I managed to mentally block that so I could simply enjoy my meal and go back to the office.


And as I left the restaurant, I had a visual treat of a couple of girls walking out as well, sadly that didn't last for long as my augmented sense of smell took-in too much of their perfume, or maybe they were the type that bathed in cologne thinking that it makes them more attractive.


The day was finally over, and as I drove my car back home with the windows opened to get some of that nice breeze we rarely have in this city, it seemed like every household and restaurant in town was cooking onions!


Today felt like a divine prank that was being done for a heavenly YouTube page and "life" was watching and laughing it's ass off.


I mean Common...do I need to start walking around like those OCD paranoids that carry with them antibacterial Detol soaps and sprays, or some ear and nose plugs maybe?


Who knows, one of these days I might bump into that "Essence Burner" guy, and ask him to take a shower before leaving his house...Either that or politely take out a gun, point it at him, and do us all a favor.


For god's sake, the French invented cologne, and deodorizers are available everywhere, not to mention soap...or do you think that the band "Soap Kills" actually chose that name because it is dangerous to get clean?! (By the way, their music is great)













I personally think that if you smell good, look good, talk good, and feel good, (especially for work) you can actually affect others around you and augment the sense of pleasantness to eventually have a good day.

Monday, February 14, 2011

SLeePLess in SA: Shpirt

SLeePLess in SA: Shpirt: "Shpirt Shpirt in Albanian means Soul & Spiritthe two headed golden eagle is the emblem used in the Albanian flagThe horizontal open-..."

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Spank Z Monkey

Our company, like many others, has adopted the blackberry service to provide 24/7 connectivity to work.

Now that sounds all fine and dandy when you really want to work your ass off.
But after a while, your stress levels start to boil your brain, and you notice that you never actually leave work (even though physically you're not at the desk). 

I'm all for technology and being professional enough to handle what needs your immediate attention, and although I hate the blackberry devices and prefer using my beloved Androids, I still need to detach from time to time...
We do have our own lives outside the office of course!

There is nothing wrong in switching off your working brain and just playing with your own monkeys. 

Do whatever you feel like doing; go meet your friends & family, show them you still exist in the real world.  

Pass by the kitchen and pop some corn for your movie delight, or have a go at your PlayStation. 

Or simply fill up the tub and slip in for an aquatic instant relaxation session. 

But wait, why don't you also do something that would make your monkeys more useful? 

Like 'god forbid' you actually grab a book and read something that would stir your imagination like in the fantasy worlds of Raymond E.Fiest, or take a dip in stories of old with John Steinbeck, or maybe go on a spiritual journey where you discover who you are with Eckhart Tolle

Maybe even do some Aerobics to get rid of that belly or love handles you've been carrying around with you all these years.

How about some house cleaning, rearranging your furniture, or just some handy-work here and there. 

Ya, that would make you feel better.

When you spend your time doing something productive, your sense of achievement is high. you feel good looking back at what you accomplished in you personal life. 

I personally get a kick out of fixing my place, arranging my contacts / schedules / files, drawing, reading...etc

Since I recently moved to a new house, I've been doing more and more constructive work. 

Last weekend, I though of how much I like to spend time reading in the bathroom and listening to music while in the tub or shower. 

So I wanted to take advantage of my "S-andy" (that's what I call my Android based Samsung Galaxy Tab) and turn it into a practical wall mounted access panel.

Some of you would definitely label that as lame and geeky, but hey, at least i'm really enjoying it.


audio jack connected to a mounted JBL speaker


change the angle & rotate it


Eye-Level & very easy to navigate with


hook grip from 4 sides (doesn't scratch the screen since I have a cover on the device)
not to mention the Gorilla screen that S-andy has


perfect control panel

This would only set you back around $30 
the wall mount is from a hardware store, and the hooks are from IKEA.


You might also want to consider the Breffo Spider Podium or Spider stand (if you have a smaller device) which is a nifty piece of accessory that you can find through their website http://www.breffo.com/ or Amazon.com
I recommend it since the SpiderPodium is so flexible and durable that you can shape it to your needs and use it in your car, on your desk, bike...etc
The design is really great.








A drill and some elbow grease, and voila!... you can easily check your emails, listen to music, read some blogs or Engadget news (that's where I get my Tech updates), facebook, chat, watch a movie...
and since it's the bathroom ---> you don't need to worry if the monkey screams from the spanking ;P


Cousin Bader wanted to contribute to the pictures I was taking for the post...
I guess we were just monkeying around.







Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Hide Your Peanuts


A lot of professionals label working in the Middle East as maneuvering in a Chaotically Organized environment.


I don't blame them with the types of unprofessional people working around here and what they got used to.

These types of people can also be found in other regions of the world, but they do have a higher density here.

Although we do have a percentage of the work force that knows what they are doing, and they actually do it with inspiring grace and efficiency, we still have people that like keeping monkeys around, till they become "Apes" themselves.

The Apes vary in form, color, size, and behavior.

They tend to be curious at times or want to have fun. 
So they explore and interact with other beings.

And with their own welfare and pleasure as a top priority, they don't care if they pester others.

Once hungry, they fill their bellies with whatever satisfies that need. And when they lose interest, they become lazy, and start snoozing whenever and wherever they can. 

I wish that the following quote by Jay Leno applies in most offices:

Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you.  They say that by the time you wake up you'll feel so good; you'll be able to start looking for a new job.  ~Jay Leno

And I bet that you might have already worked or interacted with such "Apes" throughout your days.

If not, you will most probably cross paths with them. 

So how should you deal with them? 

Well, if you have a plate of Peanuts or Bananas out on your desk ( as in you keep welcoming whoever comes into your office or stops by your cubical to gossip and Jibba Jabba ) expect more monkeys to start hanging around, and sooner or later, you also become an "Ape" or will be labeled as one.

My solution is don't have the plate out in the open.

Here are some of the tricks I apply,
And they are effective most of the times:

·       Take out the extra seats in your office or keep them far from your cubical (use the meeting room if you are having a business related or private meeting - that's what these rooms are there for)

·       Allow who you wouldn't bug you to walk through your door, if you are busy, keep your door a bit shut or closed if needed...you choose who comes in and doesn't

·       Always make work your priority, they don't pay your salary

·       If they do pay your salary, they will appreciate it when you keep your job on top of the priority list

·       Building Rapport is an important skill you have to master, and breaking Rapport is even more important (example: show that you are busy by taking away eye contact, or use your body language by moving from facing  your visitor to having him to your side)

·       If you are faced with a persistent Ape, a more direct approach would be effective (ask them kindly if you can talk later preferably after work)

·       If that doesn't work, resort to drastic measures (no don't take out your Chainsaw, keep that for later); just tell them in a firm tonality that you have work to do and don't like distractions, so buzz off.
I'm not saying be an asshole! Although you might have to be when considering the ones that just can't get a hint.

The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.  ~Arnold Toynbee

I just love that quote...to me, it means you can be really good at something you enjoy doing.

Another meaning is that you can actually work and have fun at the same time.

Just manage the level between both of them by focusing on what you need to finish and have a dose of fun from time to time.

It's OK to "Monkey Around" for a bit, but don't make it as a habit.
It is just something you do so you won't have a nervous breakdown from focusing so much. 

Go to an Ape and continue the chat you were having with him, or if you don't want to bother others, just get an "Internet Fix"; surf the net for some news, or maybe just a small dose of Facebook.

At the end, your plate of Peanuts is yours to enjoy and share if you want to or not, so hide it and only take it out when you feel like it.